Princess Camp for @WardellWriter & her Princesses ‘R Us gang #FourthWallFriday
Welcome Jenniffer Wardell to August’s final Fourth-Wall Friday. She came once before and accepted an interview ala Cabin Goddess and we had a ball! She also graced us with a Fairy Godmothers, Inc.-style Potato Salad. This week she she decided to pop in for a visit to see how Kate from Fairy Godmothers, Inc and Hortensia, the pretty talking pig from her short story Huff and Puff woke up a bit lost and far far away from where they were when they went out for karaoke and cocktails the night before the night before…
Meanwhile at Secret Princess Training camp…
I woke up with a groan, opening my eyes just far enough for my brain to start screaming at me for making terrible decisions. I immediately shut them again, rolling over to my side and pressing my hand against the back of my throbbing skull. “What happened?”
Clichéd, yes, but head injuries wreak havoc on my ability to come up with witty dialogue.
“We’ve been kidnapped.” That was Hortensia, using that matter-of-fact voice that meant she wanted to gouge someone’s eyes out but hadn’t yet figured out the best way to go about it. Not that most people could recognize it – few people tended to be intimidated by a talking pig in a dress.
At least, until they found out what happened to her brothers.
“I still can’t tell if it’s my fault or Kate’s, but I’m leaning toward Kate’s,” Hortensia continued, having waited a respectful pause for my internal monologue. “BB’s enemies don’t tend to put people in holding cells that look like a birthday cake exploded all over it.”
Okay, that was unexpected. Deciding the knowledge was worth the suffering, I slowly opened my eyes to discover that the room we had been tossed into was ridiculously pink. There was bunting all over the place, swirled over the walls and bed as thick as icing, then tied up in a bow at every possible opportunity. On top of all that, someone had scattered tiny satin hearts.
It was horrifying.
“At least Rellie isn’t here.” I slowly, carefully sat up, scanning the room for Kate. She and Hortensia had taken me out to dinner the night before, to celebrate the fact that I was visiting them for once instead of having them come out of their books to talk to me – but we’d left Kate’s pink-loving assistant at home. “She’d want to stay here forever.”
“Or redecorate the castle,” Kate said, sounding infinitely tired. I shifted around, following the sound of her voice to find her carefully checking her fairy wings for injuries. “Though honestly, I’d rather let her wallpaper my entire bedroom in pink sparkles than deal with the people who put us here.”
“Well, that sounds appropriately menacing.” Hortensia, flexing the magically-powered metal hand she wore over her hoof, tested her balance by standing up. “I presume that means you know what’s going on?”
“Unfortunately, yes.” Kate sighed, looking over at us both. “We’re at a secret princess training camp.”
“Secret princess training camp? Why have I never heard of a secret princess training camp?” I sounded faintly hysterical now, the news having managed what the actual kidnapping hadn’t. It drove me crazy when books sprang surprises like this on me while I was writing them, but having the gall to actually suck me into something I’d never heard of before was somehow a thousand times worse. “I supposedly wrote this whole world! How could I not know about something like this?”
“I’ve never heard of it, either,” Hortensia added, sounding faintly suspicious. “Why have you?”
“Former Fairy Godmother, remember? Sometimes camp leaders would hire Fairy Godmothers, Inc. when one of their ‘princesses’ couldn’t find themselves an actual royal marriage on their own.” Glaring at us both, Kate pushed herself to her feet. “And before you ask, no. The fact that they kidnap people somehow never came up.”
“It’s okay, Kate. We didn’t mean anything. We’re just caught off guard.” I held up my free hand in what I hoped was a placating gesture, the other still firmly clutched to my head. I made an immediate mental note to write a healer into my next book. “Any idea what they’re planning on doing with us?”
“I think it’s a much bigger priority to worry about how we’re going to get out of this.” Hortensia critically surveyed the room, which was unfortunately windowless, then went to make sure that the door was indeed locked.
“Brilliant plan,” Kate muttered.
Hortensia glared at her. “If we don’t know why we’re here, we don’t know whether or not they have reason to lock the door. If it had been unlocked, we would have felt like idiots for not trying it.”
“Guys, stop.” I waved my hand. “Solutions, remember? You can snipe at each other after we’re sure rabid princesses aren’t going to eat us or anything.”
Hortensia’s expression made it clear she wasn’t impressed by my theory. “Are you sure you’re the writer?”
Now I glared at her. “Yes, I’m sure. Now start being helpful or you’ll never get your sequel.“
“Speaking of which, there’s no chance you can just conveniently write us out of this, is there?” Kate walked over, holding out a hand to help me to my feet. Grateful, I took it. “Wave your pen and go ‘and they all woke up from the terrible dream, the end’?”
“I don’t think so. I have to be outside the story to be able to affect it.” Still, I concentrated, trying to transport us back to the restaurant. When nothing happened, I shook my head. “Sorry.”
Kate smiled sympathetically. “It was worth a shot.”
Hortensia looked thoughtful. “Maybe you need to—”
It was only when she stopped abruptly, face freezing, that I recognized the quiet sound of the door unlocking. We all took a step back as the heavy wooden door swung open to reveal a cheerfully round-faced woman, her hair a curly white halo and her smile bright enough to count as psychotic under the circumstances. “Hello!” She looked us over. “How delightful. They found us some lovely ones last night, didn’t they? And a fairy!” She clapped her hands. “We haven’t had a fairy princess in so very long.”
I had the brief, horrified thought that they did know about Jon, and we had somehow stumbled into what would end up being a war. I didn’t write war scenes well, and I was 100 percent sure I would be worse at living them. “Princesses?” I asked carefully.
“Oh, didn’t anyone tell you? You’re all going to be princesses!” She reached over and grabbed my hands, and I had a brief moment of panic that she would somehow be able to tell that I wasn’t from this world. Thankfully, though, her expression didn’t change. “Our numbers are so low we’ve had to resort to … unusual recruiting methods, but you’ll be so thankful when you’re all settled down with a nice prince of your own.”
Hortensia touched the woman’s arm with her hoof. “You do know I’m not enchanted, right?” she asked, her expression polite enough to clearly not be genuine. If she could get away, she could help Kate and I from the outside. “I’m actually a talking pig. No kiss in the world will turn me back into a beautiful young woman.”
Still smiling, the woman just patted her cheek. “And I’m sure there’s a frog prince somewhere who would love to meet you.”
“I’m sorry, Madame, but I’m afraid there’s been some mistake.” That was Kate, just as artificially polite as Hortensia had been. “We don’t want to be here. We were kidnapped against our will.”
“Oh, don’t call it that,” the woman tutted. “That sounds so mean.” She briefly squeezed Kate’s outstretched hand as well. “Let’s just call it a little tough love. It’s for your own good, darlings, really.”
Beaming at all of us one last time – seriously, I was going to have nightmares – she headed back to the door and opened it. “Your classes start tomorrow morning. You’re going to have so much fun!”
The sound of the lock being thrown was unnaturally loud in the quiet she left behind. The three of us looked at each other. “Escape?” Kate said.
I nodded. “Escape.”
Hortensia did the same. “And when you get back to your world, you’re going to write this place out of existence.”
I glanced back at the door. “Oh, definitely.”
Cast of Character’s Tales
Fairy Godmothers, Inc.
by Jenniffer Wardell
Published by Jolly Fish Press
Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Book Depository • Kobo • • iTunes • • Goodreads •
In a world where fairy tale situations are as much a fact of life as death and taxes, everyone knows hiring Fairy Godmothers, Inc. is the best way to assure that your beautiful daughter or enchanted frog of a grandson will get the happily-ever-after he or she deserves. Sure, sometimes a little love potion is required to make sure those quotas stay up, but what Prince Charming doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Kate, an experienced Fairy Godmother, who’s enough of a romantic to frustrate her rigidly rule-bound boss, has just received a specialty assignment from one of the company’s board of directors. Cinderella—Rellie for short—was placed with an appropriately wicked stepfamily years before, and now needs the dress, ball, and handsome prince to complete her happily-ever-after. The fact that Rellie isn’t sure this is her dream come true—balls are fun, but princes tend to be less interesting than fluffy bunnies—isn’t something management considers a problem
Complicating things a bit is Jon, the youngest son of the royal family, who meets Kate, and is smitten, but isn’t quite ready yet to reveal his true identity. After all, it’s his older brother Rupert who’s supposed to marry Rellie, which means pretending to be a lowly civil servant will give him the chance to spend more time with Kate. (As long as he can get the ball arranged, and stop Rupert from getting himself into trouble over his “self-actualization” business, he should have the perfect opportunity to explain everything and get started on making a little magic with the Fairy Godmother of his dreams.)
But, of course, things never ever happen as planned.
Fairy Godmothers, Inc., a hilarious and witty debut novel from Jenniffer Wardell, is slated for release April 27, 2013. Wardell uses her experience in journalism and theater to create a perfectly flawed and (hopelessly) romantic adaptation of an age-old fairy tale. Topped with Wardell’s unprecedented knack for sarcastic humor, Fairy Godmothers, Inc. will leave readers desperate for more, while theater and movie producers clamber for production rights.
Huff and Puff
by Jenniffer Wardell
on April 18, 2014
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Smashwords •Kobo • Goodreads
Hortensia is a pig with a problem – her brothers are gamblers, and they’re in debt to a big, bad wolf who they’re terrified of. Her solution is to offer to be the wolf’s new accountant, making sure the debt gets paid off without any gratuitous eating. Surely she’s safe as long as he needs her, right?
That’s when things get complicated. Her brothers continue to have terrible ideas, the lines begin to blur, and it gets harder to tell who the real villain of the story is. Is Hortensia the only one who can stop it all from blowing down?
So what is Fourth-Wall Friday?
Ever wonder what happens if you were to break into your world build and sit down and have a beer with your main characters? I think I would love to have tea with Jane Eyre, or discuss the best way to take care of vampires with Jane Yellowstone…maybe having Susie Shotgun take me out for some Angels Tears…
Interested in being part of Cabin Goddesses Fourth-Wall Friday? I hope everyone (authors and readers alike) takes time peruse the archives and find out just what other authors have done and enjoy a lot of amazing world builds! Or check out the PINTEREST board with every Fourth-Wall Friday pinned!
Allow yourself as an author to open up a new avenue of sharing your AUTHOR PERSONA & WORLD BUILD in a unique and creative fashion.. Just take a chance, write fluidly and from within that “place” you hangout at with your muse. Or perhaps walk in the door, tuck into a corner & watch your characters get into trouble before you take a chance and talk to them…
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