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Suddenly Snorting with “Suddenly Sorceress” by @EricaLuckeDean {review}

Welcome to day one of the Suddenly Sorceress feature on Cabin Goddess. First, everyone look around! Today is the first post on my new blog. It has been moved to a fast new server hosted by HOSTINGFORWRITERS.COM and totally hauled over and fixed by the owner and one of my best friends D Kai Wilson who is awesomeness incarnate and made it possible to post today’s review for author Erica Lucke Dean and Red Adept Publishing. Oh and there is a giveaway also, so don’t miss that! Anywho, welcome to the new blog!

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Where To Katie with Love with its sudden twists and plot surprises left us, Suddenly Sorceress took it up and ran fast, lightening fast up to another level of awesome. Our leading lady Ivie McKie, a run of the mill kindergarten teacher is engaged to very “popular” chiropractor, Matthew Smith.  A bit too popular it seems! After Ivie has a rather adventurous field trip experience, at the price of her Ralph Lauren Boots (see the Pinterest board below for an image), and her favorite white shirt… not to mention her dignity all she wants is to crawl in bed and wait for her fiance to get home. She waits, and waits and waits and when he finally does it was not the greeting she expected! Matt calls off their engagement and announces he is going to marry Candy, one of his … umm.. well I did mention he was popular right? Ivie sees red, almost literally and something inside her pops the next thing she knows Matt has been turned into a lying cheating skunk. What happens next had me laughing my ass of to the point I almost threw up laughing so hard.

GoatI actually had to stop reading one night because Geoff was trying to talk on the phone to the store and I kept laughing out loud and snorting! YES, snorting, like I said above, Suddenly Sorceress had me suddenly snorting over and over… and over. Y’all know me and my thing for goats? I am not sure if it is a thing but I find any stories involving goats enduring. I think Erica has a bit of experience herself considering she lives on a haunted farm. She raises PIGS, people!! And she has a pet Chicken and..Turkeys and. umm OH I digress, back to the goats..

What Ivie didn’t know when she and the goat had their moment was what and who would be on her … side later on. More magic then she ever felt possible found her and I don’t think she ever thought anything like that was possible. Plus, the goat!! I mean look at him, he got lucky (btw did you know Erica has a goat named Lucky, but it is a she!! Heh! I told you! Maybe she should rename it Ivie.)

OH and any of you fashionistas in the crowd will love it! (Again, see the boots below!). Her best friend Chloe considers shopping a necessity for living! Being a trust fund baby who makes a good money on her own, the references are not just funny, but again.. fashion. But what Chole really is good at is better at is being a best friend. This is one of Dean’s strengths, her friendships within the pages. They are strong and faithful! She shows the faults that everyone has and because of this her characters are so believable, even when they are turning lying cheating bastards into skunks and other various… things. And as quirky and ridiculous some of Ivie’s thoughts are as soon as her mother is introduced I think I peed a little laughing so hard! (HEY I have had five children, I can .. admit this, sort of! DON’T JUDGE ME!)

scooby-doo-halloween-costumes-ebayThe scene that had me laughing my ass off and am really glad she was talked into keeping it the way it was, is.. well.. I umm, CRAP it would be spoilers.. But when you are faced with Halloween and the cops are after you, you gotta do what you gotta do! Plus, Chloe had the boots! If I were to pick a favorite scene it would.. no I don’t think I can. Everyone and everyone was perfect and necessary! There was no “who gives a shit” moments in this book what so ever! Oh crap hmmm all the sex scenes are awesome, I love the scene where John asks who the hookers are (*snickering* just go read it and you will find out), and I adored all the interactions with her mother.

Perhaps one of my favorite was the basement scene. One scene, which is the one where Ivie really comes into her own power, where she learns she controls the magic not the other way around, was the basement scene. I think, if I was to answer this seriously, this was a wonderfully wrought bit of symbolic groupings. Her ability to control her magic was her realizing she actually did have some control in her life. There are subtle metaphors everywhere and don’t discount any of the characters, even the bouncer! They all serve a purpose in how our focalizer Ivie realizes her full worth.

If I can be cheesy, and I do apologize for this, the book really was magical. It was not all laughter, there was some really hot steaming scenes between Ivie and the man, Jackson.. oops JACK. There are also a lot of serious moments. Jack ends up being the first man in a long time, possibly ever, to show her just how worthy she is of someone who cares and loves her, oh and can give her hot steamy bathroom sex to boot! Even if they don’t get to join the mile high club they do manage to defile quite a few surfaces, basements, dirty little holes and her childhood room.  Perhaps I am giving you a bit to much, but I really hope I have intrigued you enough to give it a shot.

Suddenly Sorceress will have all you snorters starting the cat, annoying the husbands and having your children think you are insane. Just go with it. Dean is a writer who really draws you in and keeps you wanting till the very end, of which I cried like a baby! Go grab your copy today!

  about-the-book Suddenly Snorting with “Suddenly Sorceress” by @EricaLuckeDean {review}Suddenly Sorceress
by Erica Lucke Dean
five-stars
Pages: 260
Published by Red Adept
on January 1, 2014
Genres: Paranormal, Romance
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Kobo • iTunes • • Goodreads •

PMS can be a real witch. Ivie McKie isn’t your run-of-the-mill kindergarten teacher. After an encounter with a horny goat, Ivie has a confrontation with her lying, cheating fiancé. She is shocked when the big jerk suddenly transforms into a skunk—the black and white furry variety. Enlisting the help of her shopaholic friend Chloe and sexy club magician Jackson Blake, Ivie is forced to play a literal game of cat and mouse as she races against the clock to change her ex back before she’s arrested for his murder. With every new spell, a fresh wave of sexual desire draws Jack further into Ivie’s troubles, along with her panties, the car, the kitchen, and assorted seedy bathrooms. Ivie soon discovers what every witch worth her spell book knows: There’s nothing worse than a bad case of Post Magical Syndrome.

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meet-erica

About Erica Lucke Dean

"I’m an author of fluffy romance and paranormal romance novels, with a twist. I blog about life in my haunted farmhouse and other ridiculous things. And I laugh at myself when I trip. ”

After walking away from her career as a business banker to pursue writing full-time, Erica moved from the hustle and bustle of the big city to a small tourist town in the North Georgia Mountains where she lives in a 90-year-old haunted farmhouse with her workaholic husband, her 180-lb. lap dog, and at least one ghost.

How she’s managed to survive this long is one of life’s great mysteries.

 

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Prologue

“You’re too sexy, my ass!” I tried to tune out the Right Said Fred ringtone as I fished my fiancé’s cell phone from the pocket of his discarded Dockers. I glared at the flashing caller ID. “You just don’t give up, do you?”

That was lucky number thirteen. Thirteen missed calls in the span of an hour. Thirteen calls he was unable to answer.

Because of me.

After pressing ignore one more time, I shoved the phone back into the pocket where it belonged, hoping it would muffle the sound somewhat. I didn’t know why I didn’t just turn off the damn thing. I’d endured his ridiculous ring tone more times than anyone should have to, obviously determined to punish myself. Between the maddening song and the horrible smell, I certainly felt punished. Even if it wasn’t nearly enough.

Way down deep in my bones, I knew my life had been forever changed. Even if I could somehow fix things—put them back to normal—nothing would be the same again. Not ever.

Swallowing against the crystal ball-sized lump in my throat, I dropped Matt’s pants where I’d found them, along with his shirt, his boxers, and his shoes, and I collapsed onto the rumpled blankets on the bed.

That sort of thing didn’t happen in the real world. Only small children or crazy people believed in… no, I refused to even think the word, let alone say it. It’s impossible. But I’d seen it with my own eyes, and whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t normal.

My scruffy housecat made another frantic orbit around my feet as the phone sounded again, the self-centered lyrics looping, making me cringe. Apparently, he’d also grown weary of the tune.

If only I could say the choice of ring tone was ironic, a product of his wry sense of humor. But he didn’t have much of a sense of humor. Matthew Green was exactly that arrogant. Despite every despicable thing he’d done to me, every insult, lie, and betrayal that had led us there, I truly wished Matt could answer his stupid phone himself. Unfortunately, wishing didn’t seem to be on my side that morning.

Stifling a groan, I pulled myself from the warmth of the bed to dig the phone out of Matt’s pocket again. Geez, persistent much? With a deep, cleansing breath, I mashed down the button to accept the call.

“Matt! Where are you?” Matt’s receptionist, Ginger, snapped before I had a chance to say hello. “Friday’s your busiest day. Do you have any idea what time it is? You’ve already missed two appointments.”

Even without caller ID, I would have recognized her breathy Betty Boop voice. She sounded as though she’d been sucking helium all morning. I didn’t know her well, but I suspected she was banging my fiancé.

“We’ll be lucky if there’s enough time for a quickie before the next patient arrives,” she continued in a whisper.

Yep… definitely banging him.

“And another thing.” Her sweet baby voice morphed into a feral growl. “Candy’s been standing outside your office all morning. I thought you said you were done with her? I’m not kidding, Matt, if I find out you’re still screwing her, I’m going to cut off your balls.”

Apparently, I was engaged to a pathological cheater. Of course, I hadn’t known that when I agreed to marry him. There were a lot of things I didn’t know about Matt. Then again, there was a lot I didn’t know about me.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Uh… hi, Ginger.” I cleared my throat and resisted the urge to “say anything.” “This is Ivie. Matt can’t come to the phone. I… uh… don’t think he’s going to be able to… uh… make it into work today.” I managed to stammer through the basics without my voice cracking.

“Oh, hi, Ivie.” Her voice changed again; she sounded as if she’d been sucking lemons. She didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed. “What’s wrong with Matt? He hasn’t missed a day in… Actually, I don’t think he’s ever called in sick.”

My eyes darted to the closed bathroom door, and I shuddered. “He’s really not feeling like himself today.” Understatement of the century.

“Is he sick?”

“Um… I definitely don’t think anyone wants what he has.” I tiptoed around the answer. I wasn’t good at coy, but I gave it my best shot.

“Oh… Well, in that case, maybe it’s best if he stays home.” I could almost see her coiling a lock of her thick red hair around her finger as she spoke. “Just tell him I hope he feels better, and not to worry. I’ll reschedule his appointments for him. Do you think he’ll be well enough to come in Monday?”

I tamped down a flicker of panic. “I really hope so.” But I seriously doubt it.

After listening to Ginger rant for a minute about missed appointments and the difficult task of rescheduling, I ended the call, staring at the bathroom door as if I expected a silent command to open it. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the door swinging wide and my fiancé sauntering out. I popped open one eye. The door hadn’t moved—not even a crack.

For far too long, I’d avoided that room. With three tentative steps, I closed the distance between myself and the master bathroom, covering my mouth and nose with one hand as I cracked the door. I’d almost gotten used to the foul odor in the bedroom. It was bad but not unbearable. The stench in the bathroom was overwhelming. The fumes poured out, bringing tears to my eyes. The small space reeked worse than when I’d locked him in there last night. It smelled as if someone had cooked up a potion of burning tires and rotten eggs in a boiling vat of sour ammonia, and even that comparison wasn’t quite bad enough.

Blinking back the sting of tears, I scanned the room. I didn’t see him anywhere, just a puddle that looked suspiciously like urine in one corner and in the other, a makeshift bed fashioned out of—were those my good bath towels?

No Matt.

A quick rush of adrenaline kick-started my heart. What’s happened to him now? This is bad. Very, very bad. As if things weren’t bad enough already. What sort of person was I? What I’d done was unspeakable, so horrible even I didn’t know what I’d done.

Just as I was about to have a full-blown panic attack, he slinked out from behind the hamper. I should have been relieved he was still alive, but I wasn’t sure if his current state was much better. He stared up at me—his beady little black eyes blinking in the harsh fluorescent light—so much smaller than he used to be and covered in a thick pelt of black and white fur. My fiancé.

The skunk.

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my book.

  2. Fabulous review, Kriss…I mean Goddess! I really enjoyed Suddenly Sorceress and reading your review makes me want to read it again.

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