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“Carpe mammarium.” Seize the breast! Monday Morning Coffee & Gazongas

Coffee Porn


The only way to start off a Monday morning is with some coffee porn, how can you resist sucking this creamy delicious cup of caffeinated goodness down!

Last night I went to bed after having a horrific day of just horrificness and I left my Facebook friends with one challenge, to offend people. I know I know, it is a stretch!

Kriss Morton

Let’s offend people. I am going to go take a nap, I dare you all to come up with 25 interesting and creative words for boobs, I do not care how OFFENSIVE they are, why? I just roll like that. I am woman enough to take crass comments about my FUNBAGS.. THERE IS ONE, whose got the other 24?
(a crap ton of people like(d) this.


Kriss Morton (watch it will all be from women because men are going to be afraid that I am kidding).. running away now … and… GO!

Bodacious tatas.

Okay, headlights…
 …boulders (from over-the-shoulder boulder holder for bra)…

Kricket – Tatas

…pillows… I think I’ve done my part.

You would have loved the conversation I had a long time ago about milk bags

13 hours ago · Like
Jason M. – Chesticles..

Family guy nice melons

 Jessica – Tits and boobies. I like this game

 Bosom (old-fashioned, but there you go). Also, I am fond of ‘tatanics’ LOL

13 hours ago · Like · 1
 Jessica – Hooters.

 Sharon – Titties, bazooka’s

 Jason – Bazooms

 Jamie Keller  –

138 Slang Words For Breasts

 Chris –  u-boats

Jamie Keller 6) Hooters
7) Yabbos
8) Golden Bozos
9) Milksacks
10) Titties
11) Yumyum Bags
12) Grab Bags
13) Fun Mountain
14) Winnebagos

(some crazy fun author) Utters, lol.

 Mike Melville – The ladys or the girls

 Chris –  have a talent for alliteration on this. For instance, to describe large bosoms: unequalled u-boats of underwire usurpation.

 Chris –  Male mesmerizing mountainous mammaries.

 CL – No one mentioned “melons” yet? Really?

 Chris – Tastefully tantalizing tatas.

 Crystal – Tiggle bitties!

 Dirty pillows.

 Vic – the most offensive thing you can ever call boobs are mosquito bites. No one wants mosquito bites

 M. – Personally, I always thought that stupid nicknames were just that… stupid. They’re my breasts. Occasionally I’ll use boobs. I think words like ta-tas are vulgar substitutions (and the “save the ta-tas” campaign just trivializes what it’s supposed to be helping) and don’t use them.

M. – With that said:

1. Abbott and Costello
2. airbags
3. B1 and B2
4. babaloos
5. baby feeders
6. badoinkies
7. balloons
8. baloobas
9. baps
10. bazookas
11. bazoomas
12. bazoombas
13. bee-stings
14. Ben and Jerry
15. Bert and Ernie
16. Berthas
17. bijongas
18. billibongs
19. blinkers
20. Bob and Ray
21. bombs
22. Bonnie and Clyde
23. boobs
24. boobies
25. boobsters
26. boops
27. bosoms
28. bottles
29. boulders
30. Brad Pitts
31. bristols
32. bumpers
33. cans
34. cantaloupes
35. cha-chas
36. chesticles
37. chumbawumbas
38. coconuts
39. cupcakes
40. dairy pillows
41. Danny DeVitos
42. David and Goliath
43. devil’s dumplings
44. dinglebobbers
45. dugs
46. dumplings
47. Durantes
48. Eartha Kitts
49. Eisenhowers
50. flapdoodles
51. Fred and Ethel
52. funbags
53. gazongas
54. George and Gracie
55. gobstoppers
56. God’s milk bottles
57. Godzillas
58. Goodyears
59. goombas
60. grillwork
61. headlamps
62. headlights
63. high beams
64. Holmes and Watson
65. honkers
66. hood ornaments
67. hooters
68. hubcaps
69. hummers
70. Isaac Newtons
71. jahoobies
72. John and Paul
73. jugs
74. kagemushas
75. kawangas
76. knockers
77. Lewinskis
78. Lilo and Stitch
79. magambos
80. Mahatmas
81. mammaries
82. mau maus
83. melons
84. Mickey and Minnie
85. Mike and Ike
86. milk bombs
87. milk jugs
88. milk wagons
89. milkmakers
90. milkshakes
91. Mobutus
92. mounds
93. muffins
94. Mulligans
95. Murphys
96. nay-nays
97. neeners
98. ninnies
99. norks
100. num-nums
101. pair
102. palookas
103. Pia Zadoras
104. pillows
105. puppies
106. pushmatahas
107. rack
108. rib bumpers
109. rivets
110. rotors
111. shabba-dos
112. shlobes
113. shmozobs
114. snow tires
115. soombas
116. speed bumps
117. splazoingas
118. squachies
119. tatas
120. teetees
121. Thelma and Louise
122. tishomingos
123. tits
124. titties
125. torpedoes
126. Tweedledee and Tweedledum
127. tweeters
128. twekkers
129. Volvos
130. wahwahs
131. whimwhams
132. Wilsons
133. windshield wipers
134. Winnebagos
135. wopbopaloobops
136. yahoos
137. yazoos
138. ying-yangs

Mandi M. Lynch (some of those are so weird, I don’t think I would even know what they meant if somebody talked about them.)

Nancy – “the girls”

 The twins

Kriss Morton M.  good UN’ despite your feelings, that was epic. Everyone else awesome.


 Jed – M. wins the boobie prize. Forgot udders though.

 Terry – they are actually balls and they are so big you have to wear them on your chest to prevent chaffing!

 Sweater puppies

5 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
 Bristols, not bristols. From Bristol City (football club), Cockney rhyming slang with titties

 V – I was always called carpenter’s dream.

 Maguffies (an omage to M*A*S*H).

 V. – The devil’s playthings

Crumb catchers.

S – Ugh…the twin towers is what mine used to be called in school. I hated it!

 Hm. Not sure. Slippery when wet…

Kriss Morton NOW, I am going to be POSTING all of these, should I ommit names?

 Kriss Morton S. that is wrong! LOL

Kriss Morton and I am laughing my ass off because that was the point because this is going to make a killer blog post.

 J.P. ((image says it all))


 J.R.  – ^ This guy wins.
 Kriss Morton hands down
  S.P.  Amen! Or, as I like to say: “Carpe mammarium.” Seize the breast.

  J.R. – One should note that carpe mammarium should not occur without consent! 

Now, why was this even happening? Well for one, my Facebook profile tends to attract all sorts of fun, apparently I have “fans” at least this is what I was told. Two, I was in a pissed off mood and threatening someone with my fantasy of seeing them in a physical representation of their ME ME ME ball. It was a human sized Hamster Ball, and was filled with them, all their blood and piss and shit because they saw the reality of the real world around them that existed outside of their ME ME ME Bubble. So posted the question and challenge to find me 25 different names.. wait CORRECTION 24 creative names, I left them as you can see iwth FUNBAGS. Then I went to bed and I left it up, and after sleeping for 12 hours this is what happened!

Oh wait, and THREE? Well this is the best one! Do you think that women (and that is plain from what is read above) that women have no problem naming the girls! So, what say you? Am I crude? Crass? Someone who is allowing the objectifying of women? BAH I have a pair, and men do find them fascinating. As J.P. posted with his image, “They’re filled with men’s hopes and dreams!” Well women’s too. As M. put it, they are her breasts, she finds it stupid to name them, but heck, it was fun, let’s leave it at that. And even if it is the middle of the afternoon, I think I am going ot make another coffee… with my bodacious ta-tas bouncing with glee!



  1. I tell you my bra story and you unleash this on the world. I am awesome.

  2. Sweater meat.

  3. “Sneaker Shades”

  4. Proud to have contributed The Devil’s Playthings.
    Show me some love!

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