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Mullets, Mother Frelling BBQ, Leather cuffs & @JamesTuckWriter

Today is one of the stops on the Thunder on the Battlefield Tour with Editor James R. Tuck. Volume 1 & 2 released earlier in September and have been on tour for a bit and have some great stops. As you can see another awesome job on the cover art! Want to know about the books? Well it is here, BUT before we get to those awesome books, let’s have a couple of shots and dive into some of what makes you tick, titter and all out … well.. tell me, what do you think about…

Thunder on the Battlefield, Volumes One & Two - SWORD & SWORCERY

Cabin Goddess – YO! Tuck! Thanks for stopping by the Cabin again.  Here *passes you a shot glass and a bottle* I think you are going to need this before we dive on into the interview! Again Welcome and congrats on the new anthologies! They look awesome! 

James R. Tuck: Hey, awesome to be here. Thank you for having me back. I like what you’ve done with the place.

CG – Thanks! Life gets boring at times at the cabin, what with a squirrel or a cat trying to kill you, gotta keep your mind busy! Thanks again for stopping by! So, let’s get this party started.. wait, is that BBQ sauce in your beard? *hands you a napkin*

CG –Tweet the book: You are challenged to tweet a synopsis of the book to include your tweet handle, GO! (

JRT: Alright, here you go:


//

Pulse-pounding sword and sorcery action in the vein and artery of #RobertEHoward #betterthanthatshittyconanmovie #byCROM

CG – Introduce yourself to the captive audience that you now have before you. (As in tell us something NOT in your bio, give us a dirty little secret not having or having to do with your writing – please take the chance to not take yourself to seriously and enjoy!)

JRT: I used to have a mullet. It’s out there, on the faceybook, so it’s not much of a secret, but I was 18 and it was the thing to have your hair long in the back and permed…yes permed. Tight curls. It was NAWSOME. (mix awesome with NOT and you get Nawsome)

CG – Introduce us to your leading character, Deacon. What is something that is not part of his obvious bio … a dirty little secret, a tease to helping us unlock that gorgeous inked body within?

JRT: A dirty secret…..hmmmmm. Deacon pretty much lets it ALL hang out there. He doesn’t give much of a damn what people think of him so he doesn’t hide much. He does like to have his neck nibbled on. Just there below the ear under the back of his jawline. Lick him and graze with your teeth ladies. and he’ll melt.

CG – Tuck, since you are not a Cabin Goddess “Virgin” and you and your characters have played in my back-forty before… if you had the chance to ink me what would it be (and no strips of bacon, I have seen your work)

JRT: Just my choice? I think I’d give you something flowing from your hip up over your kidney, something with a little darkness, but feminine and sexy while being powerful, something that follows that curve like a lovely frame.

CG – You may get your chance yet, I am trying to get down there one of these days!

CG – Is there a genre, other than the one you currently write in, that you wish you could break into? (If you want you can – I would love it if you did – a max flash fiction of no more that 500 with the prompt of “LIGHT”. (Yes this could work with romance, mystery, humour, textbooks on quantum physics.. own it, title it and GO!) This can even be a Haiku, just have fun!

JRT: If I want to I write it. I’ve done the urban fantasy with Deacon, Sword and Sorcery with the THUNDER ON THE BATTLEFIELD anthologies I edited and contributed to, I’ve got a crime fiction collection out (HIRED GUN), sci fi/horror with THAT WAY LIES MADNESS, and I’ve written giant robots, super heroes, zombies, I have written a lot. I have some Hollow Earth New Pulp coming out from Pro Se next year and some straight fantasy down the pike.

Now the thing I WANT to try my hand at? Erotica. You will see erotica soon, maybe under my name, maybe under another.

But to maintain some semblance of PG 13 here’s a sample that’s appropriate but gives a taste. (CGsnort, PG13 yet… PG13.. snort.. LOL OH I will let that one slide *rolling eyes*)

The candle flickers
the blindfold covers her eyes
his touch brings her light

CG – If you could cast one of your works, who would you choose to play your main characters?

Bill-GoldbergJRT: The main character in my Sword and Sorcery stories, Theok, should be played by Bill Goldberg from about 15 years ago. Why? He had the look, the size and the intensity to pull it off…maybe not the depth, but hey, you cant have everything. (CG – Heck I always see YOU in your books, James *fluttering eyelashes at you*)

CG – Write one line you would love for him/her to say from your book.

“How’s my axe taste, hellspawn bitch?!”

CG – Do you have any vices that you turn to while you are writing (as in what candy / snack food / drink / 80’s hair band you break out in song too when you just cannot figure out the next line to write and that bitch of a muse is off on her own hunt)?

JRT: Not to be typical but give me my freaking coffee. Dark ass roast, 8-10 spoonfuls for a 2 cup brewer, a ton of raw sugar and 1/4 of the cup mixed with heavy whipping cream. It’s rich and wonderful and I can write like a demon on that.

CG What are some of Deacon’s vices? Oh man we know a few but not everyone has read the book!

JRT: Bourbon. Deacon isn’t a drunk, but he’ll drink and when he does he drinks the dark stuff, as strong as it can get. That and Tiff….man that girl is like cat nip to his alley cat sensibility, he just can’t get enough of her.

CGWhat do you do when you’re not writing? (ie: What festive things do you do for fun? What things do you do when you make yourself have fun, and what is on the top of your list to do when you actually take two days for you and family)

JRT: I’ve recently taken up photography. I love to design shoots and work with models. I am part of a photographer collective that meets weekly and shoots different things. At the last one I went to I met a model who did a great job. I recently contacted her about working together again and she has set up a shoot with herself, another model, an aerial rig in an abandoned train depot, fire breathers, and all kinds of exciting things. It’s gonna be awesome.

Soon I’ll have my photography incorporated on my website so you’ll all be able to see it.

CG – WAY COOL! I cannot wait to see! Being a photographer myself, and one who loves dragging pretty girls into abadoned mines and doing photoshoots, I cannot wait… seriously I am using a camera and they are walking out of there, and there are no body bags involved unless they are props, I swear!!)

CG During the zombie apocalypse, what fictional character would you want watching your back? (I cannot help myself)

JRT: The Terminator. Unstoppable killing machine strong enough to carry me when I want to sleep. Sounds like a plan to me. I’d rig a hammock sling across old Arnie’s back and ride through the night, safe and sound from Biters, Walkers, and Shamblers.

CG – That is just… EPIC!

CG – If your book was a meal what would it be? Meat and potatoes? Vegetarian? A light nouveau cuisine?

JRT: My books are like a trip to one of my favorite BBQ joints in downtown Atlanta, Fat Matt’s Rib Shack. First you load up a car full of friends, pop in some killer cock rock tunes like Bon Jovi, Cinderella, or Skid Row, and drive downtown as fast as your overladen car will take you. You come off the highway and after a few twists and turns you find yourself in this weird borderland part of Atlanta where on one corner you have a 20 million dollar church and on the other you have a “lingerie modeling studio” where for an extra fifty Sheila Lick will take you all the way.  You hit traffic, a mix of high end luxury cars and big jacked pick up trucks and you wonder what the hell is going on.

fatt-matts

Then you realize: all this is for the same place you’re going.

Finally crawling into the parking lot you squeeze the car in to a spot that isn’t a parking space and walk down the front of the restaurant. Lurid neon slaps you in the face, buzzing a low hum underneath the third rate blues band coming over a second rate sound system.  You get in the line that stretches out the door and down the wall. You almost say ‘to hell with this’ and then the smell hits you.

Mother fucking BBQ.

Fat Matt's Rib Shack - Menu

You’re staying dammit. You and your friends settle into the shuffle, the three half steps at a time that move you closer and closer to the door that is propped open, letting the mouth-watering, tangy scent of fire roasted meat keep you sedated like aerial dopamine. They move people fast and before you know it, you’re in front of the counter.

The Nubian goddess, gatekeeper to the BBQ ambrosia asks “Whattaya have?”

“The combo, brunswick stew, and potato salad with sweet tea.”

You know better than to waste her time, there are thirty people behind you that would gut you where you stand and sacrifice your offal to her to stand where you stand.

fatt-matts-food

She nods and takes your money and you go away, holding your plastic number. The tables are full. Other supplicants at the BBQ altars crammed elbow to elbow.

There, one moves, full and done, he stands. You lunge, planting your number like a flag before the gap can close. The people next to you smile, they aren’t mad, hell, just moments ago they did the same thing.

Besides, now they’re bellies are full, eyes glazed with the narcotic of pulled pork and sweet, tangy sauce. One by one they move away, standing, making room. You replace them with your friends until you all sit arm to arm.

Your number is called and you receive your food.

The first bite makes your eyes roll back, lids fluttering in orgasmic, sensory overload.

That’s what my books are like.

CG – Don’t forget the napkins.. and now I know why there is BBQ in your beard!!! OMG that is perfect!

Let’s make this a real Cabin Goddess “Interview and a recipe”

CG – Create a drink (with or without booze) representing your book in name and ingredients 

JRT: I can tell you what mine is. PINEAPPLE UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE INFUSED BOURBON

You make it yourself and it’s easy as hell.

Here’s how.

You need the following:

  1. Large mason jar, with bacon because Bacon makes every thing better!

    Large mason jar, with bacon because Bacon makes every thing better! The Bacon is Waiting!

    Bourbon (any kind will do. Seriously, just buy the Old Grandad or something cheap and strong)

  2. One LARGE can of Pineapple slices (you can use fresh pineapple, but you need some of the juice so collect it if you do.)
  3. One jar of Marischino Cherries
  4. Brown sugar
  5. LARGE Mason jars or some similar containers that you can really seal tight.
  • Step 1: put a few heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar in the mason jar. Pour in an inch of bourbon. Seal and shake vigorously to dissolve the sugar.
  • Step 2: Drain the can of pineapple until just about two tablespoons of juice is left. Put pineapple and juice into mason jar.
  • Step 3: scoop out about 8-10 cherries and drop them into the jar. Add a splash of cherry juice into the jar too.
  • Step 4: fill the rest of the jar with bourbon, seal tightly, and shake vigorously.

Okay, now it gets weird.

  1. Step 5: Put the jar in a dark, dry place, a cabinet, a pantry, whatever. Once a day for 4 days you shake the jar vigorously for 1 minute and replace.

No I’m not kidding. This is an important part of the process. Don’t worry about refrigeration a) the canned fruit has a ton of preservatives and b) the bourbon will keep it .

  • Step 6: Using a second Mason jar strain the bourbon after shaking, removing the fruit. Now feel free to keep this fruit and use it in fruit desserts or to just eat, but it will taste just like the bourbon you soaked it in and it will get you F**Ked up quicker than you realize.
  • Step 7: seal the jar and put it in the refrigerator. Leave it there for 2 months at least. Yes I’m serious. Walk away and drink something else for a while.
  • Step 8: Enjoy! Drink it by itself. It will be the smoothest, most delicious bourbon you ever tasted and all your friends will be jealous.

This is a real thing. I make it all the time and it is a HUGE hit with my writer friends at conventions . . .especially that Con Carolinas crowd…they love it.

CG – OK… OK…. OK… OK… Ummm This would so go over well up here in the woods and in the hills. OMG this ROCKS, and you have NO PHOTOS? WHAT, is it like, WHAT? MAN! WE NEEDED PHOTOS! I just spent five hours on Pinterest and Google and … (ok maybe an hour)… ARGH! SEND ME A PHOTO! LOL

BONUS ROUND “MAKE MINE A MEAL” Create (or rename) a recipe for a dish, an appetizer or a dessert that goes with your book.

JRT: Lets do a big ass steak, I usually buy London Broil which is flank steak and is cut near an inch thick. Rub it with a little oil, Worcestershire sauce, garlic salt and pepper then grill it. Keep it rare, I want to see a nice warm red when I cut into it. Pair this with a nice order of southern style mashed potatoes and sawmill gravy, a nice dinner roll, and a glass of sweet tea. 

Call it the Deacon I-survived-the-doompocalypse-and-I-deserve-a-bigass-steak Dinner.

CG – FAST and FURIOUS – Don’t pause just answer what comes first to mind *hands you a shot of tequila to help speed it up!)

  • Beer, Wine, Shot Glass and a bottle or perhaps blood? Shot glass and bottle
  • Coke or Pepsi? Dr. Pepper
  • Hell in a Hand basket or by the summoning of hordes from Hell? Hell in a pick -a- nick basket
  • Helmet, Baseball Hat or Scalp?  Scalp, my melon is too big
  • Killer clown or Clown killer? Killer clown killer
  • Vampires, Ghosts, Demons or Killer Clowns ?(so I am a little obsessed) Insane Clown Posse
  • Working stiff of a Demon, Succubus or Heavenly Host? Incubus with a grudge
  • Duct tape or Zip Ties? Leather cuffs
  • Chainsaw arm or shotgun leg (gotta throw a zombie apocalypse related question in here! J)? Chainsaw arm is groovy. (CG – haha Groovy.. groovy BRUCE groovy, huh?)
  • Exorcism or Summoning? The power of Christ compels you.
  • Zombie Apocalypse or mysterious pandemic? Rule No 2: Double tap.
  • Learn battle techniques from a viking or a ninja? Hand me my mead-horn and fetch my shield-maiden, I am off to go a viking!

CG – Anything you would like to add… appearances, upcoming releases, where I can find someone to adjust the algorithms for my time machine?

JRT: Pick up THUNDER ON THE BATTLEFIELD vol SWORD and vol SORCERY from Seventh Star Press. Buy HIRED GUN and THAT WAY LIES MADNESS from Amazon.com. Look for SILK AND SCALE Deacon Chalk book 4 in November. And remember CHAMPIONS OF HOLLOW EARTH 4 book series coming 2014 from Pro Se Press! 

Oh, and McFly’s Algorithm Shop is on the corner of Dumes and Dey.

CG – That is why there is always a Delorian there! Well now folks will stop asking me why I am constantly tagging them in my Instagram when I run down there on a Fourth-Wall Friday gig! Thanks for clearing that up! And thanks for coming by! 

James-R-Tuck

James R. Tuck lives outside Atlanta with his lovely wife and awesome kids. He has been a professional tattoo artist for 18 years and is a talented photographer. He is the author of the DEACON CHALK series (Kensington Books), the author of the CHAMPIONS OF HOLLOW EARTH series (Pro Se Press forthcoming 2014), the editor of the double anthology THUNDER ON THE BATTLEFIELD Volumes 1 and 2 (Seventh Star Press), and his short fiction has appeared and will appear in several anthologies such as: ONE BUCK ZOMBIES (One Buck Horror), THE BIG BAD (Dark Oak Press), HOOKERPUNK (Dark Oak Press forthcoming), ROBOTS UNLEASHED! (Mechanoid Press forthcoming), KAIJU RISING 2 (Ragnarok Press forthcoming), MONSTER EARTH 2 (Mechanoid Press forthcoming), and BADLANDS:TROUBLE IN THE HEARTLAND (Zelmer Pulp forthcoming).

WEBSITEBLOGFACEBOOKTWITTER

r2l_sword

This is Sword and Sorcery

Complete Tour schedule listed at Tomorrow Comes Media
Hosted giveaway can be found at Spellbindings

Edited by James R. Tuck, acclaimed author of the Deacon Chalk Novels, the Sword volume features tales from the following authors:

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Thunder on the Battlefield: Sword Book Synopsis: HARK! to the sounds of battle. Mighty men and women who take their destinies with the strength of their arm and the sharpness of their blades. These are tales of warriors, reavers, barbarians, and kings. Lands of wonder populated with monsters, black-hearted sorcerers of Stygian power, and heroes who have blood on their hands and on their steel.

G. Gerome Henson
Jay Requard
D.T. Neal
John F. Allen
Marcella Burnard
David J. West
Alexis A. Hunter
James R. Tuck
Loriane Parker
W.E. Wertenberger
Stephen Zimmer
J.S. Veter

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Thunder on the Battlefield: Sorcery Book Synopsis:  BEHOLD! the clash of war. Steel upon steel and heroes fighting shield to shield. The only true victory is a brave death and the destruction of your enemies. These stories harken back to a barbaric past that never was. A time when heroic men and women cut glory from the cloth of a sorcery-filled world and stole gold from the hands of the gods themselves. This is fiction that takes no prisoners. No quarter asked. No quarter given.

Jeffe Kennedy
Alex Hughes
Selah Janel
Steven Grassie
James R. Tuck
M. B. Weston
Brady Allen
S. H. Roddey
Steven S. Long
D. A. Adams
Mark Taverna
Steven L. Shrewsbury

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Amazon Links for Thunder on the Battle Field: Sword and Thunder on the Battlefield: Sorcery

Sword ~ Sorcery

Other eBook formats:

Nook
Sword ~ Sorcery
Kobo
Sword ~ Sorcery
iBookstore
Sword ~ Sorcery

2 Comments

  1. I could go for some BBQ right about now

  2. Yes Yes Yes! Mullets and more! how cool!

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