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THE EVIL TREES & My Own Alaskan Cabin Goddess Homicidal Clown Army

About 10 days ago I was scratched by a tree branch and ended up getting a staff infection from it. I  mentioned off hand to my friend Sue Mant that I had evil trees. I was also at the time sharing how lovely my fiance was for cheering me up by wearing a clown nose that my other lovely friend Jessica of Jess Resides Here sent me. Now, the other funny thing is that I had mentioned a ummm oh just something funny about clowns, and a dream and whatnot to Jess and she never forgot it. So, she wished me happy clown sex, but I was so angry and still feeling so sick all I could think of was building an army of clowns. If you have been to my Facebook page lately you will have seen two of these images.  This has been a rough week, and this was the just the first of many surprises. Since I am participating in Pavarti Tyler’s Celebrating Community Bog Hop, but I will be posting my initial introduction to that later. Right now I want to share with you this hilarious short and the  Alaskan Cabin Goddess Homicidal Clown Army.

The Evil Trees

There was an eerie quiet in the forest, unusual for the time of year. As Kriss stepped uneasily further into the heavily wooded area, she remembered countless other times when the forest had been less than friendly…

The mutant squirrels were a case in point. What was making them so fierce, almost to the point of rabidity? They would come out, not in one’s or two’s, but in great numbers, and attack anything and everything in their way. Kriss had tried counter-attacking measures but nothing seemed to work; she had even tried talking to them, and received only bulging stares in response. Although there was that one which had seemed to roll its eyes at her as if to say, “What is this two-legs on? Not that Oral Cipro again! Oh no!”

Kriss was not as troubled by the squirrels as she was about this quiet though. It was far too quiet, almost menacingly so. She was in two minds whether or not to beat a hasty retreat when all of a sudden CREAK!

She whipped her head round to see what had made the noise. It had been so loud, it was still echoing around the area and, because of the echo itself, she could not pinpoint the source.

“It’s in my mind, it’s not real,” she muttered, and began to move her foot to walk back to the cabin.

 CREAK!

Kriss was no longer just worried, she was plain scared. She was hearing odd sounds alongside the menacing creaks, like someone speaking to her in whispers.

CREAK!

“Don’t go…”

OK, this is getting ridiculous, she thought to herself, there is nothing, I mean nobody, who is talking to me out here.

“Krisssss, don’t go.”

Kriss felt a light tap on her shoulder, but could not turn round, she was frozen in fear. She cleared her throat and, feeling like an idiot, stammered, “Who… who are you? What do you want?”

“We are the Trees Krissss, and we want your blood.”

She immediately relaxed and laughed out loud. “Oh please, do me a favour! For one thing, trees don’t talk and for another, they don’t need blood!”

As she said this, she turned round, ready to fight off whatever was stalking her. There was nothing there… except Trees. And right above her shoulder was the tip of a branch from a particularly large and elderly Fir. Kriss felt her breathing quicken as her heart began to pound, afraid again.

A knot in the wood of the tree opened up.

“We want your blood Krissss to make us young again. The squirrels are no longer enough!”

Kriss tried to back away, but the tip of the branch turned into a claw-like hand and stopped her.

“Don’t go Krissss. We need to feed!”

The Fir scraped it’s claw along Kriss’s arm, drawing blood, which the tree proceeded to draw into itself with it’s outstretched branch.

She could feel herself becoming faint as the blood drained from her when, almost in a dream, she heard “Get back you Evil Trees! I am Beast Man and I will not let you have her!”

She heard the sound of an axe swinging through the air, and Beast Man chopped through the branch which had been draining her. Kriss felt herself fall to the ground, dizzy and relieved. Her Beast Man had saved her yet again! He had been her saviour so many times now.

But why was he wearing a clown’s nose?!

DANG! DANG! DANG!!!

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4 Comments

  1. Here he comes tosave the day! Mighty General Man beast. Good thing he had that trust knife.
    Just come over from Jess’s blog. I love her post for your birthday. I hope you feel better and have a great Birthday with your manbeast. Maybe have a big oldd-fashioned bonfire!!
    That’ll teach those evil trees for sure.
    Show me some love!

  2. Creepy trees. Ugh. 🙂
    Show me some love!

  3. Laura beat me over here again. Man, she is quick. I always love to read your blog. I have a special thing about trees. I take photos and sketch them. I am immediately drawn to a book cover or title that contains a tree. Glad to see you’re feeling better. It always helps to have the trusty Manbeast at your back.
    Show me some love!

    • OMG between you and Laura and Jessica I promise NEVER to close my blog, I will just write for you guys *GRIN* I love trees too! This one just happened to get me really sick!

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